ChrisHicks's Review of Love Crimes of Kabul

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Suspense movies quite often toss logic to the wind, but seldom is one as ridiculous and downright dopey as "Love Crimes." In fact, this alleged thriller is so bad — in its structure, in its many inept technical elements and even in its acting, despite a name cast — that it's a wonder "Love Crimes" didn't go straight to video. Sean Young stars as an Atlanta assistant district attorney who is actually allowed by her boss to go out on busts with the cops — every night. She apparently has no personal life and only one friend. To Young, everything is nailing the bad guy. One night, during a particularly sleazy internal affairs investigation, Young lets things go too far before making the bust, which does not please her friend, an undercover cop (Arnetia Walker) who is wearing a wire to catch a bad cop. Naturally, she goes into an angry frenzy. The next day when Young apologizes, Walker tries to make her see that her work has become an obsession, that she's lost her professional distance. In fact, it's much worse than Walker imagines. Young is on the edge, and her demons are apparently related to a childhood trauma that we see in flashback glimpses throughout the film. What pushes Young over the edge is a fraud case, which comes to her attention when several women come forward about a man (Patrick Bergin) pretending to be a professional photographer, who takes pictures of them in compromising situations and then makes love to them. It's a puzzling case because what these women are charging isn't really rape and they haven't been photographed against their will, exactly. Somehow, this guy just uses his charm to emotionally overpower seemingly intelligent women who are too lonely to say no. As you might guess, Young becomes so fascinated by the case that she drops everything and goes after the guy herself. She quickly tracks him down in Savannah, manages to bump into him in a photo store and agrees to be a model. And, naturally, they're up in her hotel room before you can say, "Smile!" But Bergin smells a rat and takes a powder. Young follows him. He catches her, of course, locking her in his closet. And later, he photographs her and eventually allows her to escape. All of this triggers a cat-and-mouse game that continues up in Atlanta. Violence against women is common in exploitation movies, of course, as well as the hackneyed theme of law-enforcement officials crossing the line into criminal behavior. But there's a weird element here that can't be intentional — Young often seems more psychotic than Bergin. As you can imagine, it makes for a very bizarre, twisted movie. As for the film itself, subplots are more alluded to than actual in this silly would-be thriller. And at every turn, as we see where Young is headed, we want to shout, "Don't go into the basement." It's that kind of movie. Worse, when it's over — it just sort of stops. If the credits hadn't come up, we might have thought the film had broken. In addition to the expected violence and profanity, "Love Crimes" has an abundance of female nudity, which is quite surprising considering that this comes from self-described feminist-filmmaker Lizzie Borden ("Working Girls"). It is rated R for violence, sex, nudity and profanity.
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Okfor ages12+